Until I reposted the story about how much my daughter talks, I had no idea I’ve had this blog for nearly four years now. Four years. Wow, that was quick.

In that time I’ve written a little over 80 posts. Not too bad — not quite two a month, but close. I want to write more, but often it just doesn’t work out that way. It’s funny how some posts flow out of me virtually unhindered and others form over a long period of time after agonizing forever over how to say what I want to say. Sometimes I write for the sheer fun of it and sometimes because I think I’m actually supposed to say something.

So far, thankfully, I’ve gotten a favorable response. It has been an interesting journey from near paralyzing fear to feeling more comfortable in my writer skin. Comfortable enough to even start a Twitter account and tweet. If you’re a tweeter, feel free to stop by and visit me @tiltingtiara. Not much deep, insightful stuff there.

I write mostly because I feel the need to encourage others. I have not had a bad life, but I have been through some really hard stuff. Even though life can be wonderful and fun and all kinds of good things, it can also bring some really very difficult times and heartache and just be a great big suckfest. If I can take my difficult times and use them to help somebody through their difficult time, then my struggles seem to become a little more worth it. Nobody wants to suffer for no good reason, so this is just one way to see that there may have been some kind of actual purpose in the bad I’ve walked through.

I hope I never come across as preachy or that I know exactly what to do in every situation and I’ve done it just the right way and trusted God in everything and now life is so incredibly awesome you can hardly stand me. That’s just not how it is. Most of what I write about are things I’ve learned — and am still learning and re-learning — over a long period of time, with lots of trial and error and usually after finally giving up my great big, willful, stubborn streak.

Something that is very important to me as I write is to somehow convey God’s great love for you.

Yes you. You are the one and only you there is and, despite what circumstances may say, you are of great worth in His eyes.

For some of us who really believe in God, that’s actually still a very difficult concept, isn’t it? Of course He loves me. He’s God and He loves. That’s what He is. That’s what He does. BUT… if He had the choice whether to love me or not and it wasn’t against His nature to not, I just don’t see how He could. Have you seen the things I’ve done and heard the words I’ve said and the thoughts I’ve thought and still think? Did you see me get too angry at my kid? or my husband? or that dumb driver who doesn’t care about anyone but himself? or my frustration at life? at being sick? at being too tired? at not getting what I want and being completely impatient and fed up?

How could Someone so incomprehensibly amazing actually, really, truly love me? I’m just not that lovable. Yet somehow He does. And it has taken me yeeearrrsssss to accept that. And if He can love me, certainly He can actually, really, truly love you—especially as awesome as you are.

Which is why I also tend to keep my name out of this and stay away from too much detail. While you may not have gone through my particular struggle, I think it’s possible you may have felt some of the same feelings or had somewhat similar thoughts. I’d rather you’d connect with the thoughts or feelings around the struggle, than me and my specific problem. Then maybe you can believe that if Jesus has done some work in my life, despite all the fears and lack of belief, He can work for good in yours too.

Which is why I think sometimes I’m really here for people like me who believe, but have a hard time believing because life has just been so hard. I want to cheer on those who believe in Jesus but feel like they have to walk through two feet of mud every direction they take. For those where nothing is ever easy and when doing something means only making things worse and waiting is all that can be done. To you going through it, I have a great need to say hang in there. Please don’t give up hope. You can do this. Jesus is right there with you.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for your encouragement and feedback. Feel free to share with anyone you think you want to. Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message at tiltingtiara@comcast.net. Feel free to not say a word or do a thing.