I think maybe I need to take some time off from our relationship. I know, I know, we’ve been together for a long time now, but I really think I need a break. It’s not me, it’s you. I need to see what else is out there. Maybe there’s a team I can count on—I don’t know, this is all so awkward.
You weren’t my first love, you know. In my younger days, I was on the other side of the tracks and loved me some Cowboys. With the likes of Tom Landry and his ever-present hat, Roger Staubach, then Danny White, and other greats — the whole “America’s Team” thing was too much for this young girl’s heart to resist.
But then we ended up in Maryland when I was in high school. As good fortune would have it, Joe Gibbs came to the area too. I tried to stay true to that other team, but Joe wooed me away with his cute little giggle and winning ways. The clincher was when you won the Super Bowl and it was an excused absence from school to go downtown to the parade. I know, call me fickle, but you gave me a fun day off from school. What girl wouldn’t think that was something special?
And then you gave even more. Remember the year Mark Rypien was awesome? I was riding Metro to work that year. Mondays were finally the happiest day of the week for a few months. People were smiling and laughing … in DC! Partisan politics were put aside because you, my friend, were getting the job done. That’s the last time I remember the D.C. area being fun. We’ve had a few good moments since then, but I just can’t live off those old memories anymore.
Now, I need you to win again and I simply can’t depend on you for that anymore. Quite frankly, it’s been a long while since I could. I’ve hung in there with you for years now, hoping against hope, but nothing ever changes. You start looking like you’re going to win, but then … nothing. It hurts too much.
I don’t have any other team in mind at the moment, although I have noticed that cute purple team to the north of you. I don’t know though, I’m not really ready to make any big decisions and give my heart away yet. I guess I’m hoping this letter will be a wake-up call for you. I know there are injuries, blah, blah, blah… For heaven’s sake, you’re a professional football team. You get paid big bucks to do what you do. I mean, you always lose to the teams with the worst records in the league. Why? And why do former players seem to do so well for other teams after their time with you is done? Have you seen how Carlos is intercepting passes right and left now?
Well, anyway, I have more on my mind, but I think I should stop now before I say something we both regret. Please know, wherever I may end up, a part of me will always love you for the good memories we’ve shared. If you do start winning again, no matter who I may be with, I will be cheering you on in my heart.