Unexpectations

It had never occurred to me that I would be in my mid-20s and still not be married, or my late 20s, for that matter — until it was happening. I mean, not to brag or anything, but I wasn’t a bad catch. Smart, funny, friendly, not a super-model but I got my fair share of whistles, active, in shape (at least I was then)—what’s not to like? It got to me one day as I was driving, and I cried out, “God, what’s going on? I’m going to be 30 soon and there’s no guy in sight.” I heard the surprising answer, “So.”

I was not happy with His response. “Excuse me. ‘So’? What do you mean ‘so’?”

“So, you’re going to turn 30 in a couple of years. The Earth isn’t going to stop spinning on its axis, revolving around the sun. What are you going to do if it doesn’t happen?”

Huuhh? Mmmmm. That’s not a very loving response from my lovey-dovey God. But now that you mention it, I’ve never really thought about that. What happens if I don’t get what I want? By a certain manufactured deadline? What if I never get what I want? Will life come to a screeching halt? No, the world keeps spinning on its axis, revolving around the sun. Upon reflection, I think His point was, “If you don’t get what you want, do I stop being God? Am I still good?”

Two weeks later, I talked with a guy at a Christmas party and simply thought, “That was a nice conversation.”

I don’t actually remember ever officially meeting the man who is my husband. We had mutual friends and people kept asking me if I knew him. At first, I honestly had no idea who he was, had never seen him, didn’t care. I kept hearing what a good guy he was, but all I thought was, “That’s nice.” Somewhere along the way I had a vague knowledge past the question, “Do you know…?” Then we talked at that party. We talked again at another gathering several months after that. Then  a couple of months after that, a group of us went to a nearby park for a day of hiking and a picnic. He and I spent the whole time talking with each other. I had to leave early that day, but I could tell he seemed surprised as he said, “I had a nice time today.” I knew then he was going to call and ask me out.

The funny thing is I didn’t care whether he called or not. I really didn’t. He did call. We did go out. He kept calling. We eventually got married. Together we have had some really great times, some just plain old comfy, regular times and some really not good times. You know, when you take those vows—for better, for worse, in sickness and in health—you have no idea what is going to come your way. Some of it is wonderful or comfy-cozy, and the vows are easily kept. Some of it is harder than you thought it ever would or could be, and then what?

The matter-of-fact response I got from God that day was not what I wanted or expected to hear, but I really needed a change in perspective. It’s a question I sometimes ask myself when life isn’t going the way I imagined it should be. The Earth keeps spinning on its axis, revolving around the sun. Is He still God? The Earth keeps spinning and revolving and bad things happen. Is He still good? Am I going to sit around waiting for life to somehow magically become what I expected it to be? Or am I going to get up, hand my fear, pain and desire over to Him, and walk with Him into it? Am I going to allow Him to show me something new about Who He is?

I hope to grab His hand and take a walk.

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